Hello Journal that has not been used in a long while.
Im this morning having a plethora of rambling ideas so i sought a place to put them. Here be that place.
Although not my ideal spot, someone hacked into my account at one point.
Ive been researching from around 2 this morning til' now, positive thinking via the wide web, healthy coping strategies, angles of thought. Positive reminders so i may stay steady instead of sink, or go down a scarier, unwanted, bewildering road.
Im seeking to avoid that. At times I feel im'a teetering. dangerously and yet harmlessly, in the scheme of my life and its potential, and mine.
I also researched food. healthy food prep. unusual food prep. + unusual ingredients. mmmm. very titillating.
Things such as raw chocolate you can make in your kitchen, kefir I can grow from a stArter, plus yoghurt too.
Raw Chocolate -
I have had good experiences with coconut oil. I mix up raw cacao, coconut oil and sweetener and sometimes fillers like almond butter, coconut, etc..I find the mix is really goopy but 5-10 minutes in the freezer and they turn into solid blocks that have the delightful advantage of melting in your mouth (thats the coconut oil). Unfortunately if left at room temperature they turn back into goop, but I really enjoy them cold.
I'll often just snack on them straight, but sometimes make raw candy with date paste and raisins or goji berries. Anyone else have raw cacao recipes?
yup. been playing with essential oils and cacao. so good. i make a base of equal parts ground cacao & goji berries, mesquite meal and hemp seeds. add a little coconut oil, spirulina, agave nectar, vanilla, salt, cayenne, cinnamon and my recent fave: 3 drops frankincense and 2 drops rose oil.
My Killer Cacao Rum balls were a HUGE hit this Christmas and New Years eve
cacao nibs ground, organic shredded coconut, 3 Cups crunchy rice cereal, vanilla, cinnamon, ceyanne, stevia, some glycerin syrup and honey, ground pumpkin seeds AND
Much Capt. Morgans Spiced Rum.....Loaded and Lucious for that very occassional treat
i make a drink with:
a base of cat's claw (bark), pau d'arco (bark), schizandra berry, yerba mate tea
1 tbs cacao
1 tbs cacao powder
1 tbs mesquite pod meal
2 tbs carob
1+ tbs almond butter
.5 tbs coconut oil
2 tbs agave syrup
vanilla bean seeds
black sesame seeds
sea salt (pinch)
whatever other beneficial things you think of
put whatever dry ingredients you want to use in a vita-mix or good blender; grind to powder with out causing too much heat; pour in warm tea (test with finger, if finger can hang with heat so can live ingredients); add other wet ingredients; blend again till mixed and frothy; sit back and enjoy the divine.
Although i dont know what raw cocoa would taste like, smell like, or what its consistency is.
Itd be great barrels of creating bliss to get ahold of some fine quality ingredients and a beautiful kitchen and put together scrumptious things to devour.
i have a small kitchen piled med. high with dish after dish (if only my roommate would be responsible!)
if only lots.
if only the world looked perfect.
if only i snapped my fingers and what i wanted, came to call.
Ive been obsessed with gardening.
not with getting my hands in nutrient rich dirt, but with collecting gardening tidbits.
information such as, test soil PH before planting, buy potting soil, get containers for container gardening,ask landlord if gardening in the back is possible, although i think i can handle it if im growing veges in containers on my patio.Its not the end of my gardening career.
also, a slow release fish emulsifier/fertilizer might be a friend to the veges.
its exciting! growing things. it means and symbolizes settled in to me. home bASE.
and it means i can feed myself. i wish myself luck. i wish myself gardening mentors, friends, aquaintances, so i may heeed road signs on the road to fresh vege salads. yes.
these last couple days ive been cutting out my habit of gobbling of flour whenever i goddamn well feel like it,and ive felt calmer, saner, less dead. i want to continue. 'specially now its spring. everything yells "green, alive, chlorophyl! over here!"
so many things to get into, try out, learn the mechanics, rythm of.
resist the bagels in the fridge!
dammplotting & ham i want to dance the blues away.
im going to go and have a bath before my day with its places to be, begins to entice, tempt, me.
ps, two or three boys like me other than my ex bf. im hell of a confused.
why exactly? why must we love crush. why must the spiders of attraction creep on numb bodies, sweet well meaning love words fall on deaf ears, and eyes entice us not to trust.
until we meet again.